I always thought I would be one of those women that only gained weight in her belly during pregnancy and who could shove out a baby (lol) and go back down to normal size before even leaving the hospital. That I would never be that person with stretch marks, extra baby weight and a size up in every category of clothing. I was in no way prepared for my postpartum body.
I remember waddling my way over to the bathroom, legs still shaky, whole body aching like I got hit by a bus and standing in front of the mirror in the hospital. I had never felt more lost than I did in that moment. I was looking at myself, but felt as though a stranger was looking back at me.
“Why do I still look pregnant?” I remember asking myself.
I almost didn’t want any photos taken of myself and my newborn baby, but I knew I would later regret that.
A few days passed, then weeks, then months. I hated passing by mirrors in my home. Every photo Callum took of me made me cringe. No matter how many times he told me I looked beautiful, I just didn’t believe him.
I was still wearing maternity clothing because none of my ‘normal’ clothes fit. I was living in pajama pants and pregnancy leggings. I became obsessed with searching “#4weekspostpartum” (and others like that) on Instagram and seeing hundreds (probably more like thousands) of women who seemed to have never had a baby at all. “Why can’t I look like that?” I spent months hiding behind baggy clothing when I should have been embracing all of the changes I had been lucky enough to go through.
One day, I finally worked up the courage and posted a picture of myself on social media at Roman’s doctors appointment. I was about twenty pounds heavier than I was before pregnancy, and yet I received tons of messages about how I looked like I hadn’t even had a baby. I knew for a fact otherwise. Underneath my clothing, I hid the truth.
I have finally discovered;
Others see you differently than you see you. Stop being so dang hard on yourself. Of course our bodies are going to look different. We just birthed a human! Our skin is stretchier, softer and wrinkly. We have stretch marks in places we never thought possible (no really, butt crack stretch marks, anyone?) Our hips are wider, our faces are rounder and our love handles are unreal. I realize that I may never go back to my pre-pregnancy body and I am finally okay with that. In fact, I love that.
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Cut it out. Stop comparing yourself to others. Stop looking at other new moms and wishing you could be more like them. What you are seeing on social media is only half of the story. Sure, there are new moms that bounce right back and feel good enough to post pictures of their ‘new bodies’, but many of them are just standing at the perfect angle and sucking in as much as they can. Trust me. I’m one of those moms.
In conclusion:
Love yourself. You won’t regret it.
Disclaimer:
I have been (for months now) walking a few miles a day and exercising regularly. I have cut out most sugary drinks and have changed my diet completely. It has been a long few months of me working hard to feel good in my skin. I didn’t magically “lose all of my pregnancy weight”.
I realize that not everyone will relate to this post as it is based around a touchy subject. If you are struggling with infertility and just want someone to talk to, please feel free to shoot be an email or leave an anonymous comment and I will reach out.
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