Navigating First Time Motherhood During a Pandemic: My Journey

I had just started going back to work, Roman was only eight weeks old. I was not ready mentally or physically, but felt I had to return. I had only worked a couple of night shifts so far when the call came in, “this virus is getting bigger and bigger, we have to close down dine in service for the next two weeks, hopefully we can open back up fully and get things back to normal then!” Man, the optimism was real. Though I was scared for the state of the planet, I felt the biggest sense of relief, knowing Callum and I had two more weeks off with our baby boy.

It has been eight months since that phone call, two-hundred and fifty-two days, to be exact. I have been home with my baby ever since. Babies reach so many milestones in the first year that parents are forced to miss out on, such as their first laugh, the first time they roll over, the first time they sit up on their own, crawl, stand and walk. It has become a ‘norm’ for new mothers to rush back to work right after giving birth in the United States. (Search maternity leave in other countries, I dare you)

I would have been one of those mothers, still sore from injuring my tailbone while delivering, leaking milk everywhere, exhausted, self conscience, hormonal, etc., returning back to work as though I didn’t just give birth to my new best friend.

On top of all of the new motherhood struggles one faces, there was a pandemic thrown into the mix. I am a paranoid person as it is, so as you can imagine, Covid did not help. While many people have different opinions on the virus and are living their lives the way they see fit, we chose to quarantine and social distance.

Over the summer, we went on many walks in our neighborhood, spent time on our back porch, had fires, went on mini road trips. Friends joined in on many of my outdoor adventures. People that could not visit with us, opted to participate in many FaceTime calls. I feel as though we have done a good job at keeping people involved in our lives, even while socially distancing. Many people who have yet to meet Roman already feel so close to him because of the amount of effort and time they put into having video calls with him.

On the other hand, I have received some not-so-nice ‘comments’ and texts from people complaining that they had not yet met my child. These ‘comments’ and text messages being the first sort of engagement since having my sweet boy. After having a baby, you realize that many people feel entitled to time with your child without ever making it known they wish to be involved.

No new mother wants to spend all of her days alone with a newborn. No new mother wants to keep her child from people due to how they choose to social distance, or lack thereof (no judgement, you live how you want and I will live how I want). No new mother wants to be ridiculed and talked about for her parenting choices. I am simply doing what I believe is best for my child, and that is all I care about.

I have compiled a list of pros and cons of becoming a new mother during a global pandemic:

Pros

• I have been home to witness every major milestone my child has reached
• I was given the opportunity to heal from pregnancy and delivery in the comfort of my own home
• Callum got more than just two weeks off with his sweet baby boy
• I home cook almost all of our meals (I was basically living on pizza before, all day, every day *insert drool emoji*)
• I have been able to breastfeed my child, going on eleven months strong!
• Have not been forced to put my child into daycare or have someone else care for my boy

Cons

• Unable to take our boy to visit many family members (due to them being immunocompromised, living too far, etc.)
• Being judged for the way we chose to social distance
• Family not able to be as close as they should be with our baby
• Loneliness
• Anxiety through the roof

I have been given this blessing in disguise; being a stay at home mother due to something awful. But it has allowed me to realize all that I would have missed out on if I had gone back to work right away. I was very comfortable at my job, possibly too comfortable. I loved working there, loved my co-workers, bosses, regulars, etc., but I would have stayed there forever if I wasn’t forced to leave.

My dream in life was never to be a seventy year old bartender, shuffling my way around, kicking out the a-holes and befriending the regulars. My dream has always been to write, blog, share my thoughts and experiences with others. I never had the ability nor confidence to follow what my heart had always wanted until this year, and for that, I am grateful.

I am ready for this virus to go away now, for life to resume back to normal, and for people to be able to come over and visit, but I am going to continue to do what makes me happy when that happens, and that is blogging.

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